Mixed Feelings
by DilapidatedStarSpirit
Summary: Each chapt. will be featuring different characters from HP. Feel free to r & r. Suggestions are always welcome. Chapt. 6 varies. Lots of confusion & emotional poetry here.
1. Chapter One

Disclaimer: I do not own the property of HP.

**Chapter One  
of Poetry  
by Me  
Otherwise  
known as  
DilapidatedStarSpirit**

Too much is happening right now, and I don't know what to do  
Someone help me figure things out, I absolutely have no clue  
I would love if someone set things straight  
For a while now, something's been on my case

And I'm not sure exactly what lays ahead  
The future is foggy, my head feels like lead  
What happened to my life, what happened to my dreams  
It seems like nothing is what it seems

Yet I find myself thinking back  
Back to when I was on track  
Thinking up big plans for life  
Now I don't know what is wrong or right

The days are lonely, there seems to be nothing planned  
For me it's hard to get up everyday and be who I am  
From another view, I can't believe what I see  
I never imagined this person to be me

When the hurt becomes too much, and the pain hits me hard  
When I can't help but shudder from the whole nine yards  
When it feels like an elephant is weighing down on my chest  
Feeling depressed more than sad, beating the best

I lay down on my bed, and I stare at the wall  
Then I'd shut my eyes tight, erasing them all  
All of the pain, the emotions I feel  
Until I become numb, and it's easier to deal

Sometimes I think God is punishing me  
That this is how things were meant to be  
But I can't help but feel that no one cares  
It's strange thinking about how one must bare

In a world filled with lies  
Where no one truly understands each other's cries  
How some people tend to hide inside  
Keeping their emotions, far from prying eyes

You would probably think my life is real good  
Passing with high marks like I always would  
Hanging out with my two best friends  
Seeming like I almost meet all my ends

With a smile on my face, my eyes shining bright  
My brown hair falling down, closing the light  
Against the full moon, with the dark of the night  
Letting my silent tears fall, holding my pillow tight


	2. Chapter Two

Disclaimer: I do not own the property of HP.

**Chapter Two  
of Poetry  
by Me  
Otherwise  
known as  
DilapidatedStarSpirit**

Everything's changing in this crazy life  
I feel like everything's collasping, and that's not right  
But I gotta keep going, ain't no excuse for what's going on  
Someone listen to my problems as I yawn

I'm telling you people, I need someone to know  
The feelings I have inside, I want em' to show  
Don't give me these talks about things I should do  
You don't know who I am, hell, I don't even know you

So why do most people treat me like shit  
They better move away or I'm gonna hit  
I can punch better than I talk any day  
So ya'll better just leave, go run away

None of you know me, none of you care  
I better just kill myself in the bare  
People probably think I'm a bad boy at heart  
Got a heart of black since I was born from the start

But they're all a bunch of fucking lies  
Just cuz they've never heard my cries  
How each day, it's hard to just live deep inside  
They've never watched how I hide, all I've tried

So many times I just wanna scream  
Pouring my emotions out, have em' stream  
Let me finally know how it feels to breathe  
Inside this body, as I continue to seethe

As they say, tomorrow is but another day  
But how many more of them will I stay  
For me not everything's a-okay  
So what to do next, who knows-not me (may)

Ain't no more of this life I'ma go take  
Everything's but a lie, can't stand to fake  
Not anymore will I live in fear  
Come on I swear, the end is near

Gotta go, gotta leave  
No time to decieve  
Say good-bye to all I knew  
Hope everybody stays as they do  
(Boo, hoo, that's not true, so get a clue)

But the end of my rhyme is about to fade out  
Have ya'll learned what my life is about  
If ya don't, read again, tell me what ya'll think  
It's better than nothing, hell I ain't no shrink


	3. Chapter Three

Disclaimer: I do not own the property of HP.

**Chapter Three  
of Poetry  
by Me  
Otherwise  
known as  
DilapidatedStarSpirit **

I cannot stop thinking of you  
It's like a drug that cannot be stopped  
I cry sadly away in the dark  
Where shadows befriend me and whisper  
Loving words of good luck and guidance  
They dance with me, trying to steal away my attention  
But to no avail am I able to be rid  
Of the idea of you and me together  
Together again, as we had before  
When you tickled my tummy and wouldn't stop  
Even when tears ran down my eyes  
The way you'd hold me in a loving way  
Telling me the reasons of why you loved me  
And when one day you said we could never be  
Leaving me on my own to tend to my misery  
I cried for hours, my heart torn apart  
And still I do think of you  
And of what you said, we cannot ever be  
I lie down on my bed, thoughts drifting through my head  
Sometimes it gets really bad  
That I feel the need to die,  
Cause I need you by my side  
And I hate that now we're enemies  
You won't talk to me or look me in the eye  
Well, I still can't get over you  
I cannot ever forget what we had  
Because you're somewhat of an addiction  
And I need you really bad

**Poem #1**

Don't talk to me when you think you can  
Once you've crossed the line that's where it all ends  
It doesn't matter that it was this one time  
My feelings go beyond, they extend far and wide

**Poem #2**

They say words don't hurt, but to me they do  
They slice through the air, they sting, it's true  
I'd rather get hurt with a knife, that I swear  
Cause when the words are "I hate you," you don't want to be there

It's a sting to the face, that pains to your heart  
Your emotions get cloudy, and just for a start  
Your eyes twitch badly and you wanna just die  
Die and be rid of, be sure not to cry

**Let's vote!  
Which do you like better?  
Poem #1 or #2? **


	4. Chapter Four

Disclaimer: I do not own the property of HP.

**Chapter Four  
of Poetry  
by Me  
Otherwise  
known as  
DilapidatedStarSpirit**

I'm falling to pieces and you don't seem to care  
I feel so unwanted with nobody there  
I'm yelling, I'm screaming, I'm lying to myself  
I can't get control, feels like air itself

I'm practically nothing, there's nothing to see  
Who cares if I'm human, it can't possibly be  
I'm lesser than a shadow, I have no true heart  
I'm a figment of your imagination, just rip me apart

I'm falling to pieces, drowing in life itself  
I'm no longer floating, can't breath by myself  
But I'm trying to swim, up above to the sky  
But it's harder than anything, i just realized

I wish my life wasn't so dark, but not so light as well  
If I could turn the clock back, I'd turn your hate as well  
My thoughts are drifting and I don't know what to do  
I'm feeling I can't do anything, but I know this isn't true

Can't get out of the closet to the world beyond my bed  
Have no pleasant feelings, no emotions in my head  
Can't think straight, or know what I want in life  
But gotta smell the coffee and do what's right

But what is right and what is wrong  
Won't anybody see past me and know what's wrong  
I don't even think I know myself  
So what to do, what to do, I'm asking everybody else

Life is so confusing, a puzzle left undone  
With no other pieces, it's no longer fun  
It's a mysterious thing, full of hidden secrets  
But who's gonna figure it out, who's gonna fix it

I don't possibly know, I don't possibly care  
But now in my life, there's nobody there  
When I turn around to my left or to my right  
All I can see, is the light and the night

I figure somehow I'll get out of this place  
But I don't know which path I should take or make  
I figure somehow the best thing to do  
Would be to play dead and pretend I'm through

With my life, why; it's already over  
It's not like I'll suddenly get a clover  
And suddenly my whole world is a King's  
I'll have all the riches and wear many rings

But what in life is left for me  
I have no friends, nobody understands me  
I guess I will end life, yeah, I guess I will  
Nobody coming, oh no! Wait, yikes, but he will!

THINK MURTLE!


	5. Chapter Five

Disclaimer: I do not own the property of HP.

**Chapter Five  
of Poetry  
by Me  
Otherwise  
known as  
DilapidatedStarSpirit **

**Missing Piece**

My pain is always there  
But you're always unaware  
You never seem to care

I was always misunderstood  
Torn apart, my soul accused  
But you don't understand,  
You'll never understand

One way or another  
I was always a bother  
To you my fatigue mother

You never believed  
I could never ever breathe  
I was always going under  
Can you forgive yourself dear mother?

Once in a while you'll tell yourself  
Something in your life's changing  
You're now somebody else

You don't know that missing piece  
You can't seem to pick up on what's incomplete  
I yell, "but Mom, just listen!  
You just shake your head and leave

I wonder if you know I'm gone  
I wonder sometimes if I'll return  
The questions linger in my mind  
But I know now, they're just a waste of time

And years later when I'm quite old  
I'll look back at that ruined home  
I'll remember what went on over there  
And I'll reminense without a care

Cause you dear mother was always a shame  
You played many tricks in your dirty game  
You weren't who I thought you were you know  
I grew up unloved, unwanted, and feeling low

But I'm tired of that game, I want it to end  
And maybe some day, I'll make a true friend  
I'll erase that past, forget what has happened  
Pretend that it didn't, and never had happened

And today I'll hold my head up high  
Erase all the fear and the pain I've kept inside  
And I'll forget my past, all my memories of you  
For today's a new day, and it's time I was new

**Merry Christmas!**

**Inspired by Evanescene's song: Missing**


	6. Chapter Six

Disclaimer: I do not own the property of HP.

**Chapter Six  
of Poetry  
by Me  
Otherwise  
known as  
DilapidatedStarSpirit**

**Why; what has happened?**

She closes her eyes  
Her eyes remain close  
She's not moving any longer  
Her heart stops beating

Has she told you why?  
She's not breathing any longer

Her wounds won't heal  
They open up in pain  
For now she has stopped  
Do you know why?

Her hands are cold  
Upon her bloodied body

I can see your eyes spinning  
Your eyes tear at the image  
You close your eyes for a second  
You look away for an instant

What has happened?  
Oh my gosh!

You swallow your feelings  
And begin to pray  
You pray for the stars  
The Moon and thy God

But you don't know why  
You weren't there in time

People come in  
They take her body away  
You look at her frozen  
Your mind ill with fear

Do they know?  
Why is she gone

You run away  
Far away from the people  
A sob lost in your throat  
You remember Her

Suddenly you collapse  
She enters your mind

I can see you  
She's saying  
Her voice cold to the touch  
I want you here with me

You eyes freeze, numb  
Your body starts to shake

I know who you are  
she continues  
I know what you do  
Now you will pay

Time has stopped moving  
You drop down to the ground

Your eyes stop blinking  
Your body starts to shake  
You see blood on the ground  
And know it's your own

Has anybody heard from you?  
What is that blood on the ground


End file.
